Have you ever been in a situation where you wanted or needed something but ended up not getting it? Or have you ever found yourself longing to be more or to have more, only to end up frustrated as it remains out of reach? This sentiment—this unending desire and ceaseless urge for more,—is something we all have felt at some point.
My 14-year-old self used to think I’d have it all figured out by now - owning a 2-story house, driving a car, having a family, and succeeding in a career I am passionate about with a salary that’s anything but mediocre. Instead, I am here sharing an apartment with 8 other guys, working at a job that doesn't cover my increasing expenses, and struggling to pay overdue rent and monthly bills. Sometimes I wonder if I took a wrong turn somewhere or if this is just how it should be for now. Despite how much I wish it were different, I remain stuck and trying to make sense of it all. Whether I should study again or go abroad, whether I should save up to buy a house or travel somewhere, whether to quit my job to own a business or simply gamble my way out for a better version of how I imagined my life would be. I’m still a wanderer in this boundless maze.
And while it is very human, in our finite understanding, to feel this way, it greatly bothers me at times. While I am told that I’m not missing out because my priorities are different, I always find myself wishing for the world to pause for a little bit, just enough for me to catch up with everyone and pick up the dreams I lost along the way. Or maybe rewind time to undo all the unwise decisions I've made, and let go of the things that I now know won't end up working.
Growing up with not enough privileges and safety nets, I envy those who appear to glide through life with ease. I can’t help but question why some people seem to have everything handed to them while I’m left grappling with just a little more to get by. What if I had been given the same opportunities as them? Maybe I wouldn't be dealing with the constant stress of making ends meet. What if there had been safety nets to catch me when I fell, so I could take chances and chase my dreams without being afraid? I imagine how life would be different if only I had more.
The Bible, rich in wisdom and truth, confronts me with my blindness - of not seeing life beyond the convenience and comforts of this world:
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me. (Psalm 23:1-4)
Our Lord, our Shepherd, cares for us not based on whether we have more. He shepherds us based on who He is and what He knows best for us. In His goodness and sovereignty, He will work all things together as He sees them to be good for us. Even when our path seems uncertain or fraught with difficulties, there is an overarching plan at play, and knowing this should encourage us to see beyond what we have and experience now, and long for the unfolding of a greater narrative.
But take heart; I have overcome the world. (John 16:33)
Understanding His sovereignty in this way does not mean suffering won't be there anymore. It doesn't make difficulties disappear or erase the reality of unfairly unjust situations.
Consider the lives of two of my favorite characters in the Bible, Job and Paul.
Job had to experience severe loss and grief. How severe? God allowed the enemy to take everything so dear to him, but even when he was confronted with seemingly insurmountable trials, he did not waver. His responses were out of pure pain yet he did not resent or curse the Lord because of it. If I were to put myself in his sandals, I wonder if I would have responded the way he did. Probably not! In my selfishness, I would likely have reacted differently. I’d be devastated and upset and be sinning in my heart. It is not uncommon for me to complain and grumble even at the slightest inconvenience; how much more if God were to take away all that matters to me?
Paul, writing from a prison with no way out but his death, still felt joy. He could have made an escape plan already or called his lawyer, at least. He did not, because he had understood that what had happened to him was sovereignly ordered by God - an expected, inevitable reality for every believer who follows Christ.
In our brokenness, it is so easy to feel discouraged and disappointed by the overwhelming circumstances that come to us. But in such situations, we can look to the very people in the Scriptures who had it worse but responded in trust and contentment.
Job, despite everything, did not sin or accuse God of doing wrong (Job 1:22). Instead, he recognizes his sovereignty over all things. Paul, who knew what it was in a prison, to be alone, to be cold and empty, to be left with nothing in a place where he must have felt fear and defeat, commands us to rejoice and be content, despite what we may feel.
Not that I (Paul) am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content (Philippians 4:11).
How is that possible – to be content despite his situation? I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:12-13).
Only through Christ, who strengthens him. Only because in Him, all the help he needs to persevere is met. Paul knew that to live is Christ and to die is gain.
So maybe perhaps the question should not be “If only I had more,” but rather “If only I had nothing.” If only I had nothing, I could better appreciate how good His plans are for me. I would have realized that despite my sins, God has not left me after all. I would come to understand that I actually have all the help I need found in Him. I’d be more aware of and grateful for the blessings I already enjoy. If only I had stopped wanting to have more, I would see how wonderfully God takes care of me – how His mercy reaches down for me into places where I have nothing but my sins. How He endured the cross so I could experience joy. How He was rejected, stripped, wounded, hanged, suffered, groaned, wept, and died so that I could be reconciled and He could call me His own — to belong to Himself alone means I have more than more.
It's easy to get caught up in the idea that having "more" is synonymous with having no worries, no stress, no anxiety, no responsibilities to take care of, no conflicts, and so on. What makes us persevere is not the absence of conflict nor the abundance of having more, but the confidence of knowing that God is ours and we are His, that God is sovereign and we are not.
My present self may not be enjoying the things he dreamt of having growing up, but I’ve learned that true satisfaction isn’t always tied to those material desires. This is in no way saying that such achievements and possessions are evil - they are the Lord's means of grace after all. What I want to highlight here is that whether I have little or more, my heart has now learned that the best offer of convenience and comfort in this world pales in comparison to Christ - my faithful Savior who has loved me and given Himself up for me. His mercy, an assurance for eternity not just a brittle safety net. His goodness, my hope for daily provisions. His grace, my source of strength for every battle and His love, the greatest treasure I could ever have.
What now?
“Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. (Matthew 16:24-25)
Jesus tells us that we will have trouble in the world (John 16:33). Would you be willing to follow Him despite that? Would you deny and take up your cross for him? As believers, we are to endure if we are to follow Christ faithfully in this world, even if it means having nothing, even if it causes us personal loss or even death, and even if it means for us to be less and have less by earthly standards until His promises to end our deepest longings will be fulfilled - when there will be no more sinning, no more needing, and no more wanting. As the Westminster Shorter Catechism states, our chief end is to glorify God and enjoy him forever.
With this, "let us be willing to lose everything rather than lose Christ (Charles Spurgeon).”